This is a short story about Joe and his adventure pooping in the woods. If you don’t feel like reading the narrative, you can skip the following paragraphs and read the main tips below.
It’s a sunny Saturday morning. Joe - a 40-year old plumber living in London - had a slow start and spent the entire morning in his pyjamas ice skating from his bed to the kitchen on his woolly socks. He leans on the kitchen counter with his elbows, hands under his chin, observing how his coffee machine fills his mug with iron black coffee. His phone buzzes. A car honks twice. He looks at his phone: 7 missed calls. He slides to the window and peeks through the curtains. An army-green Chevrolet runs stationary on his driveway. A short man in his over-sized camouflage coat gestures to hurry up. It’s uncle Willy and his dog Donald. Joe forgot. It’s the first Saturday of the month. The day where he joins Willy on a ‘survival walk’ in the forest. A walk where will go ‘off the beaten path’ and practise survival skills. Joe quickly puts on some cargo pants, a white t-shirt and a grey wool pullover.
He walks into the kitchen. Grabs his coffee. Drinks the entire mug empty. “Ahhhh”. Joe slams the mug on the wooden kitchen counter and rushes towards the basement. He turns on the light. “OK. Forest walk. What do I need?”. Joe grabs a backpack, canteen, water, lighter, tissues, compass, swiss army knife, battery bank, hammock, and a blanket. He runs up the stairs, towards the front door, throws his backpack next to Donald, and gets into the car.
Joe doesn’t even have his seatbelt on and uncle Willy already starts telling a story. ”And you know what I did?”. “Tell me Unc. I can’t wait to hear the ending”. Uncle Willy is a good man. He always wanted to join the army, but he never made it. They said he was too short and slow. “I jumped into the water and pulled her to shore, while everyone was watching. Can you believe that? They all stood there and did nothing!” He always tells stories where he’s a hero and did a good deed. “Good lord Willy. That must have been tiring.”, Joe said.
The road transforms from tarmac into a gravel road. They enter the forest. I see a lot of white mushrooms on the underground of the forest. Beautiful.
